Fractured Past (A Talnarin Novel Book 1) Read online

  I settle for a nod, still too ashamed to speak. Freya gently takes my hand in hers and I try to not flinch away. I still don’t like the idea of the talnarins touching me. Goosebumps form all along my flesh. After what seems like hours, she releases my hand. I let the limb drop into my lap and risk a glance up. I find Freya smiling gently at me and I hastily look away, only to catch the eyes of Elaine instead. My eyes widen in alarm at the pained expression on her face.

  “Did it happen again?” I blurt. She smiles tightly and shakes her head. “But…” I trail off, not knowing what else to say. She’s feeling like this because I can’t control my emotions well enough. I hurt someone else, I’m a fucking mess.

  Freya softly interjects, “Elaine is alright, Alanna. Even as I speak, her energy is stabilizing. There’s no need to fret, dear. And your energy as well. It’s stabilized much faster than I had anticipated. I can sense almost no abnormalities in the energy level. This is great news.” She gestures for me to move to the bed and I do so quickly. She sits on the end and smoothly crosses her legs, placing her thin hands on her knees. She so beautiful, it doesn’t seem right that she’s a doctor for some reason.

  Just as she opens her mouth to talk, I blurt, “Your eyes. Flokil Affinity, right? So then how can you read my energy?”

  A look of mild surprise crosses her face. “Yes, I’m a flora manipulator. I’ve been gifted with the Flokil Affinity. Some of us have a greater energy force. This allows us to extend our capability past the physical manipulation of energy, similar to how the Mindula Affinity manipulates their energy As flora manipulators, we more closely tied to nature, our energy source, and so we are able to develop a deeper connection with our energy. This allows those who are stronger to sense the energy inside others. This allows me to determine how well a talnarin is restoring their energy reserves. I don’t need to be physically touching another to determine the energy level, but direct contract allows me to get a more in depth and thorough look at any irregularities or hiccups in the energy readings.”

  Interesting. “And it’s only the flora manipulators that can sense the energy levels both in nature and in talnarins?”

  There’s a brief moment pause before she answers. “There are a couple exceptions, but otherwise, yes.”

  Something holds me back from voicing my next question. My gut’s telling me that they won’t tell me who the exceptions are, though I don’t know why. Letting it go, I ask, “There’s a King, right?” At her graceful nod I ask another, “What’s the Kings affinity then?”

  The silence is thick and heavy. I wonder if I said something wrong. Is this a touchy subject or something? My nerves climb as the uncomfortable silence reigns on. I awkwardly clear my throat and shift, hoping to dislodge the tension. Finally, Elaine breaks the silence. “We can’t say. No one’s met him before and there’s no records on the royal line.”

  Right. And the sky isn’t blue. So, they obviously know more than their letting on, but what? Why hide it? What’s so secretive about the royal family? What, or whom, are they trying to protect?

  It’s strange. Maybe if I ask Benjamin he can shed some light on the subject, but I won’t hold my breath. I’ll play along, for now. “Okay. Well I know you said no training but I can still study, right?”

  “Of course. Shall I call for Benjamin or did you wish to study alone?” Freya gently asks, her lips curled into a smile.

  “Uh… alone. For now.” They share an undecipherable look. I don’t know what it means, but it leaves me feeling very uncomfortable. “Well, I’ll get to it then.” I say, standing up awkwardly.

  Both Elaine and Freya straighten and plaster fake smiles on their faces. Creepy, if you ask me. I ignore it and make my way to the door. Once I’m out of their sight, I pause and bury my face in my hands. What in the Hellvian was that?

  I need to be more careful. They’re keeping things from me, it could be nothing, but my gut tells me otherwise. I can’t afford to be led into a false feeling of comfort here. I just need to remember my purpose here, remember my mission. Revenge is all that matters now. I straighten and march to the library, determined to learn all I can before I leave Craforian for good.

  Chapter 21

  Over the past two days I’ve holed myself up in the library studying everything I can about the energy manipulation. I think the primary reason for my lack of control, other than my fear, is the lack of understanding I have about all of this. It would be one thing if I grew up with this information; at least then I would be able to understand how it all works.

  I’m in the dark and that needs to change.

  From what I understand, the energy isn’t really separate from living creatures. The energy is an extension of the talnarin; it’s not another entity living inside of you, but something incorporated into your very being. It goes beyond what Benjamin told me about the soul or core, that the energy is defined by the soul because it never changes. The energy is the soul itself. Their energy is the very thing that defines them. I was just looking at it all wrong before. I tried to identify the energy and soul as two different things, but they’re not. The soul and energy need to time to acclimate to the body it inhabits so that’s it’s able to be manipulated in childhood.

  So, Erik was wrong in what he told me that first day. The energy isn’t separate from myself. Or is it? Is it different for me since I wasn’t born a talnarin? Is everything changed because I’m a messed-up hybrid? If I had someone I could trust, someone to confide in, I might be able to get some answers.

  It always comes back to the same thing: can I trust them not to kill me if they knew? Worse yet, can I trust that they won’t experiment on me once the truth is out?

  Still, even if it’s all different for me, it’s great information. It explains how the talnarin function. He’s a talnarin, and knowing how He works can only aid my revenge. Knowing how His energy works might be what I need to end Him once and for all.

  But there’s a problem I keep running into when researching Him. It’s something that’s been bothering me immensely, something about it doesn’t feel right. No matter how many books I pulled, there is no mention of golden eyes anywhere.

  It can’t be that uncommon because both He and Abel have golden eyes. Even if it’s rare, why is there nothing written on them? It doesn’t make any sense. Not even that diagram Benjamin showed me during the first lesson had anything on golden eyes. There was only that strange symbol that connected all four Affinities together.

  Even with everything I’ve learned, I can’t find the connection between their golden eyes. Something tugs at my gut, warning me not to ask anyone. But if I don’t ask, how am I supposed to defeat Him? Without knowing what power is connected to His color, how can I know what He is capable of? I don’t need any nasty surprises when I confront Him.

  The entire thing is vexing.

  I can’t find any information on the royal family, either. Why wouldn’t their books mention the King and the royal family? He rules over them all, doesn’t he? Benjamin said the King is responsible for keeping order within the talnarins.

  So why? Why would his people not know what he looks like or what his affinity is? Judging from Elaine’s and Freya’s reactions a couple days ago, they know more then they let on. Why the secrecy? Is the King a tyrant or something? Does he misuse his power? Or is he a weakling that no one would ever look up to? Perhaps he’s ugly and ashamed to show is face.

  There could be any number of reasons, I just want to know why.

  My thoughts shift back to that odd symbol Benjamin showed me, the only one he wouldn’t discuss in detail. Is it all tied together? Maybe the royal family has an affinity all of their own. It wouldn’t be terribly surprising, right? Something must set them apart from the rest of their people. Maybe a rare affinity makes him their King. But… from the books I read, they said that bloodline doesn’t determine the affinity since affinities in households are randomly determined. That means there is no way for the royal line
to have an affinity all their own. Maybe that odd symbol just represents another affinity that is rare and unheard of.

  I scratch my head in confusion.

  The books state that a firstborn could manifest the Elestal Affinity while the second born gets the Flokil Affinity even though the parents are neither. It’s like a random draw when determining affinities within a single-family unit. Does this mean the royal line has talnarins with varied affinities too, seeing as it’s all based on their reincarnation cycle? All the talnarins eventually get reborn into new lives and families, in a random determination that no talnarin completely understands.

  This gets me thinking about my own children though. If I were to reproduce, what affinity would they get? Or would they not get anything? Would they be like me, part human? I don’t know enough about my own abilities to say how they might affect my children.

  Would my children even be considered talnarin? I don’t know what tests They ran, or how they altered my insides. Maybe I’m still considered human, just my physical appearance has altered.

  It’s not like I’m likely to have children anyway. After all, what human would want to mate with something that looks like me? What talnarin would want to mate with a mutated freak like me?

  Can I even have children now? How did the experiments alter my system? Maybe having children is no longer a possibility. And who knows, maybe my organs changed with the other physical alterations that occurred during my time There.

  Even though I no longer desire to have children, the thought that my choice could be taken from is a hard pill to swallow. What if a day comes where I decide I want to have children and I can’t? What happens then? It somehow makes me feel lesser, not knowing if I can have children of my own or not.

  There’s no equipment in existence that could determine that for me, at least not among humans. The equipment They had was unlike anything I’d ever seen before. Maybe there’s other machines that do different things. But there’s no point stressing over something like this at a time like this. I have more important matters to think about, survival being one of them.

  I tune back into the readings. Talnarins are born with an almost instinctual understanding on how to manipulate the energy. This means that they know how to draw from it, replenish it, and conserve it. They must learn how to physically manifest the energy into existence.

  For the flames, they must learn how to ‘shape’ the energy to their will in order to manifest the fire. They must learn how to manifest the energy into other physical forms for weapon use, like what Benjamin mentioned. With this control, they can ‘harden’ their energy into knives, sword, and such. It’s cool if you ask me.

  Seeing as I wasn’t born with the instinct to harness the energy like the talnarins, it makes me wonder if my capabilities are different. Does this mean I’m limited because I don’t have the natural apathy with the energy? What are my limitations? What are my capabilities in general? Are there other things that I can do that the talnarins can’t? That thought frightens me more than I care to admit. What if that’s true and somehow it exposes me to everyone? The problem is, I won’t know for sure until I practice and that can out me immediately and I wouldn’t necessarily know if it did.

  On one hand the longer I stay, the less stress I feel and yet on the other hand, the longer I stay, the more my stress grows. It’s an endless circle and it’s exhausting. I don’t know whether to feel relieved or terrified about it all. But I’m still stuck with only one choice, to stay and gain what I need to kill Him. To kill Them all.

  Chapter 22

  The next morning, I’m up before the sun rises. The weather is slowly turning colder, the days growing longer. In just a couple months, winter will be upon us. It makes me antsy.

  I want to be far from Craforian before the first snow lands, but my training and skills need to advance faster. The snow and ice would make traveling near impossible, effectively trapping me within the borders of Craforian. I don’t want to feel trapped. Traveling during winter is a sure way to get myself killed. That delay is not something I can tolerate; the longer I wait, the further away He gets. If I wait too long, He may slip out of my grasp completely, and I can’t have that.

  I need to focus my attention on training with Erik. The sooner I hone the energy manipulation, the sooner I’m out of here.

  I examine the few clean clothes in my room and choose a long sleeve shirt. I dress and make my way to the arena. I had avoided coming here for two days, afraid of what I’d see. I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect. Now I realize how stupid the avoidance was. The arena still stands in one piece, not a grain of sand out of place. It’s shocking. Despite what Able and Elaine had said, I still thought I’d see a destroyed training grounds. I’m amazed at how quickly they repaired the place too.

  I catch sight of Erik stretching in the far corner of the arena. Not yet noticed, I settle for staring at him from a distance. I study him, thinking about how he and his brother have been towards me. They have been kind. In fact, all the talnarins here have been. Well, at least the limited number of them I have encountered. It makes me second guess everything I feel about the talnarins, and it irritates me. It just feels like my mind is on a constant loop of doubt, and I can’t seem to catch a break either. I push it out of mind and make myself known.

  I gingerly walk to the sandy floor and plop down to stretch. I look up to find Erik waiting in his usual position across from me. “Why did you tell me my energy was a separate entity from me?” I blurt without thinking.

  He appears mildly surprised, though it rather hard to tell from his stoic facial expressions. “I told you the energy had a will of its own because at that time, you couldn’t accept anything else. That was the gut feeling I got. Was I wrong?” I shake my head and he goes on. “I said it to help you visualize the energy inside you. You were scared of it, hesitant. I assumed the reason for this fear was due to the lack of control you felt.” He pauses a moment, as if to think. “If I approached it as a separate being inside you, I’d hoped it would help you harness it easier and quicker. All talnarins are born knowing our energy is there, it’s just not accessible. For whatever reason, you didn’t. That meant I had to change how I taught you. I had to acclimate myself to how you might have been feeling, otherwise we would have never gotten anywhere with training.

  “I don’t know what happened that has you so afraid.” I flinch, but Erik remains expressionless. “But it doesn’t matter anymore. Whatever happened is over. The control you worked on wasn’t control over the energy, it was the control over your mind. You had to gain control over your thought process. I won’t say that all children accept the energy from the start, some of the younger children struggle to accept the energy as well. Their training is much like what you’ve gone through: to visualize the energy as another you inside yourself. The purpose of training is to expand the control over how much energy to expend and how to replenish it.”

  “But I thought all children are born with the instinct to draw from it?” I’m completely confused now.

  “They are, but they tell themselves that they can’t draw from it. Much like what you did to yourself.” I don’t bother to correct Erik that I might not have those instincts at all. “Their fear controls their minds. This makes it very easy to let it all go at once and release the energy in a one go. The training helps them understand their limits and how to expel the energy in a safer manner.”

  I think about it for a minute. “That makes sense, I suppose. How many children struggle with it? How many adults?” I almost didn’t ask the last part, afraid to draw more attention to the irregularities about me, but my curiosity won.

  He stares at me for a long moment, unnerving me. I wish I could read even just a fraction of what he’s thinking or feeling. “Not many. I can’t give you an exact number, but there’s enough to warrant a separate class at times. As for the adults, you’re an unusual case.” At those words, I freeze. I shouldn’t have asked. I really shoul
dn’t have asked. I’m so stupid. Luckily, he saves me from trying to cover my ass by asking, “Are you ready to start?”

  I breath an almost audible sigh of relief. I nod and widen my stance. “Try to draw the energy out. Picture it inside yourself as a cloud of moving energy. It’s malleable and moveable. Picture it locked up inside yourself at your center and only you can unlock it. Slowly tug on the energy, strand by strand. Will it to form in your hand.”

  I close my eyes, focusing my mind. I imagine the energy as a silver flame inside my soul. Seeing it as energy tied to my very being is a struggle, and a large part of me refuses to believe that it doesn’t have a life of its own, that it’s tied to mine in some strange way.

  I image it surrounded by darkness as it uncurls itself. A little touch to the center and it draws itself out. It dances as it passes throughout my body, warming me from the inside out. I watch as it travels to my arm to rest in my palm. There it sits, just below the skin, waiting.

  I slowly open my eyes and see my whole arm glows like the sun. My mouth drops open in shock and I lose my grip ever so slightly. The heat beneath my palm flares and I will myself to focus once more. My mind conjures up a small silver flame and it hovers just above my skin; the fire appears over my real palm just as I envisioned. A small smile forms on my face; I can’t help it.

  I will the flame away and look back to Erik. Despite his usual straight-face, my gut feeling tells me he’s proud. “Nicely done. That was faster than I expected. Try to call up flames in both hands, at the same time.”

  I repeat the exact process I did to materialize the first flame. I close my eyes and watch the energy move from one place to the next inside myself, until finally it reaches my hand. My eyes open just in time to see a second silver blaze form.